this is an app

[selfkismesis]

PLAYER INFORMATION
Your Name: linda
OOC Journal: superfluously
Under 18? If yes, what is your age?: Nope.
Email + IM: whyhotmailwhy@gmail.com | Pb2Ag (AIM)
Characters Played at Ataraxion: n/a

CHARACTER INFORMATION
Name: Karkat Vantas
Canon: MS Paint Adventures: Homestuck
Original or Alternate Universe: CR Alternate Universe (importing from singularityrpg)
Canon Point: Canon point is from before everyone ever decides it's super cool to get murdered. Singularity point would be from about August 1st.

Number: 126, alternatively I don't actually give a fuck. Whatever's free, bro

Setting: Double the link, double the fury.

History: Prepare yourself, children. We're about to venture into the magical and incredibly confusing world of Homestuck. Before getting to Karkat's story, though, I implore you to check out my setting section from my Singularity app. Reading that will save me (and you) from having to start and stop the history to meander down the brainrotting path of world building explanations and bullshit.

We good? We good.

So, 13 years (6 sweeps) before the beginning of Hivebent, a mutant blooded grub was forcefully introduced to Alternia via meteor. The meteor part, however strange, was nonunique, because around the same time, 11 other meteors carrying wee petite babbies also landed on Alternia. According to Karkat, this was the worst possible thing that has ever happened in his life, and it is completely his own fault. Because 13 years from that point (during Hivebent), through various time shenanigans, Karkat creates paradox clones of himself, his 11 other friends, and all of their ancestors (which, as implied by their name, do not end up on Alternia at the same time as the other kids). Great job, kid. You done good.

So, we have a grub who grows up relatively well (thanks to the efforts of a cult who follow the teachings of Karkat's ancestor), discovers the troll version of the internet, and proceeds to be the biggest jackass in reality, all while obsessively hiding his mutant blood color (plot twist: he is pretty godawful at that). You'll see in his personality section how heavily his mutation plays into his characterization.

Through undefined bullshittery, Karkat the Douchebag makes a variety of friends, and they all end up playing a game that they think will save their world. Spoiler: it doesn't. Instead, it results in the end of their world and eventually their universe. Thankfully, though, before all that dramatic ending occurs, they are each transported to their own planets in the Medium, or the setting for their universe destroying/creating game. Karkat's planet is the Land of Pulse and Haze, and it is as hideous as a Shamu after a particularly heinous murder spree.

Here, in the Medium, Karkat becomes the leader of the group through some serious bitching at all parties involved until they realize that just doing what Karkat wants will save them having to listen to his ranting in the long run. Brilliant leadership skills. Surprisingly, despite social norms of troll society about murder and being massive dickwads, Karkat keeps the group together, keeps them from killing each other (minus the one time Aradiabot kills Vriska, but she gets better so it's okay). The game goes pretty successfully in a violent way, at least until Karkat goes to claim their prize (the universe they created). It's here that a terrible, no good, very bad demonic dog/tentacled cat/one armed harlequin/bird with a sword through the chest monster shows up, and everything goes straight to hell. Through the quick actions of Aradiabot and her millions of doomed timeline clones, the troll group are teleported to a random meteor in the Veil, immuring them in a living tomb, there to linger out what may be a long life in the hardest and most monotonous toil, without any of its alleviations or rewards--debarred from all pleasant sights and sounds, and cut off from all earthly hope, except a slight mitigation of bodily restraint, or a small improvement of diet.*

*John Stuart Mill's commentary on Homestuck

Through various time shenanigans, the trolls discover the humans-- the ones who populate the universe that the trolls had created, and Karkat is very quick to blame them for everything that went wrong. He encourages all the others to start vicious trolling campaign which results in Karkat realizing that 1) these guys are fucking dumb, 2) working together with them might be their only opinion, 3) all of this is probably his own fault in the first place, because Karkat fucked up the whole process of creating the universe, which convinces him that he gave the human universe the cancer that created Bec Noir (the horrible asshole demon). After this point, there are some further realizations about the source of Bec's power, Lord English's obsession with killing things, and various other Homestucky plot twists; however, all of these happen after the canon point I'm taking Karkat from, so they are a little superfluous for this app.

Karkat's role and changes resulting from Singularity will be elaborated on in the AU Clarification.

Personality:

The first trait that comes to mind when describing our precious, nubby-horned troll is rage. Pure, unadulterated rage. Nonstop. All the time. There is no escape. Rage at the humans for fucking up the troll's session-- rage at the troll's crazy antics. It's always there. However, things get interesting when one asks WHY?

There are a few things to look at while answering this question:

1) Karkat's position in society. As described above, trolls sure are weird. And Karkat, due to his weird mutation in blood color, is the weirdest. Because of this, there are certain (obvious) aspects of himself that he must keep secret. One of the key defining features is blood, and he can’t reveal his own for his own protection. Rage acts as a cover—if someone so much as HINTS at wanting to know the color of his blood, he does a backwards pirouette flip right off the handle before landing a perfect ten and winning the Beijing Olympics. Rather than continue pressing him for information, the inquirer is now dazed and astonished at his rage acrobatics. It’s the perfect crime. This rage-secrecy DOUBLE COMBO contributes to...

2) His self loathing. Admittedly, Karkat’s an inherently crabby guy. Even when he begins opening up to Jade a little more (in the conversation where he and his currentself argue while Jade furiously introduces her head to a desk), he’s still a big grump. However, that inherent trait extends further when coupled with the fact that he fucking hates himself more than anyone else. He hates himself to the point where he believes that he’s his own kisemsis, since no one else can keep up with him (including John—IT WAS NEVER MEANT TO BEEEEE). We see his self loathing a lot when shit goes bad—the prime example being one of his more recent conversations with John. Trolls are dying, and Karkat blames himself for not keeping the team together, despite the fact that a troll’s typical disposition is towards violence. Moments like these are where he drops...

3) His tough guy attitude. Because of his weird position in society AND his self loathing, Karkat feels the need to overcompensate. Like, look “short guy syndrome” up in the dictionary, and you’ll see a picture of Karkat scribbled over a picture of Napoleon Bonaparte. In fact, I feel the need to do this RIGHT NOW. Okay, got that out of my system. Let’s continue here.

For most of his position in the comic, Karkat acts either as a bully or a big, fat jerk. He’s constantly harassing Jade, even after she blocks him a million times. Even after they’re friends, she describes him as “the douchiest of crabby crabs who ever douched a big douchey crab.” He harasses John every chance he gets, even going as far as developing a hatecrush on him. Which is instantly shot down due to John’s “NO HOMO” stance. In revenge, the reign of backward trolling begins (where Karkat’s first convo with John is one of the more recent ones, and Karkat’s more recent convos with John are John’s first), which really only results in a big pile of stupid and confusion for all parties involved. Karkat didn’t really think that one through, which he’s admitted. But in his goal of remaining the human’s “ANGRY GOD,” he keeps it up, for most of the series, because he’s too damn stubborn to admit to hate-hitting on John. Though, admittedly, this tough guy attitude will drop when his selfloating overcomes his blaming of others/SHIT HITS THE FAN (aka, when Kanaya and Feferi are killed right in front of him and Gamzee goes off the deep end; arguments with Sollux where, after them, Karkat asks if they're still friends). But, for most of the time, his attitude leads to the fact that Karkat is generally...

4) Fuckin’ unpleasant. While, sure, he grew some (especially as a leader) during SGRUB, he still acts like a big douchenozzle most of the time. His first action when finding out about the humans is to not give a damn. However, after being told that they were somehow involved in the ruination of his session, his next action is to order everyone ever to troll the shit out of them. He continues to blame them, despite the knowledge that paradox space likes to make things as connected and convoluted as possible. And, well, he blames them until he (begrudgingly) figures that they need to work together to survive. Which shows that, yes...

5) He actually cares. It’s shown time and time again that, despite his angry capslock rage, he actually cares about his team and them surviving. One of the prime examples of this is KARKAT RELATIONSHIP HOUR—multiple chats that are comparable to watching Dr. Phil. Basically, everyone ever comes to Karkat for relationship advice. Even in public places, like his memos. Due to his love of romantic comedies, Karkat probably knows more than anyone about troll romance, how it works, what ones will fail/succeed, and everytroll knows this. So, that means he’s getting Eridan whining at him, Tavros worrying about Vriska kissing him, and everything in between. And, well, he helps as best as he can. Another example of his caring is the fact that they were generally successful in their SGRUB game—until shit went down, of course. He, himself, called it a perfect game, completed in only about a month. He got both teams working together (red and blue), which (as Vriska later reflects) might not have been the intention of the game after all, due to the unnatural behavior of trolls working together. He also finds it necessary to relay messages from his future self to Jade, despite not really knowing what’s going on and easily being enraged by Jade. He worries about his team, especially when they all wander off in their little space meteor, and decides that it’s his duty to stay put as a center for them to regroup (he only leaves when he realizes that Gamzee will probably kill him). He even feels regret for making Terezi cry, despite being jealous as fuck towards Dave. HE CRIES RED WEE PETIT BABBY TEARS WHILE CORPSESMOOCHING KANAYA IN AN ATTEMPT TO REVIVE HER. All of this caring, worry, and guilt leads to the fact that Karkat is...

6) Rather obsessive. It’s mentioned that during the month of SGRUB, one of the main reasons Karkat never woke on Prospit during their adventure is because he barely slept. He was too busy plowing through the game and getting everyone to work together to take care of himself and participate in a vital part of the game. However, more importantly and relevant, is Karkat’s obsession with arguing with himself. Throughout their game and their time in the Veil, Karkat sets up memos to inform the team. These memos almost always result in Karkat arguing with himself from various timelines, which are pretty much the most hilarious things ever. Instead of, say, in the future deciding not to respond to a memo due to the humiliation it caused him in the past, Karkat responds anyway, feeling the need to tell his pastself that he is fucking stupid. This results in an endless cycle of selftrolling, which continues to the point where Karkat tends to blame his otherselves (past and future, regardless if they are only two minutes apart) for various failures. It takes Jade calling him out on it and some serious apology-action for him to finally admit that, yes, his pastself is also him. As is the future self. But he still often insists that they’re both bigger douchebags than he is.

Despite all of these traits, Karkat still has...

7) Spectacularly questionable leadership skills. These are the most questionably questionable leadership skills since Frederick the Great rocked onto the scene in 1740. Suddenly, we realize I'm a Prussian historian. Whoops. Like dear ol' Fritz, Karkat has respect of those following him. Unlike Fritz, this wasn't gained through his bloodline position or amiable personality AND LAUGHING AT CHAMPION AUSTRIAN FENCERS TRYING TO ASSASSINATE HIS ASS. Instead, it was gained by completely ignoring the blood-based caste system and shouting at everyone until they followed his orders. Equally. Best plan. Surprisingly, it worked. It's questionable whether such tactics would work in a nontroll situation; however, by the fact that all the trolls are alive (shut up, Aradiabot counts) by the time they reach the Veil, he can be considered pretty damn successful.

Suddenly, asking “Y SO SRS, KARKAT” turns into my entire personality section.

Abilities, Weaknesses and Power Limitations: Like the other trolls, he's gained all the levels (minus god tier), so he knows what he's doing in a fight. It seems trolls are hardier than humans; we've seen this through their violent culture, crazyass feats of strength (STRONG jump, anyone?), and being able to take heavier wounds with less dire consequences. Hell, when stabbed, Karkat's first response is to panic about his blood showing, not to flip tables over being fucking STABBED. Despite this, we know that Karkat is no where near the strongest of the trolls-- in fact, they kind of all have really wonky power levels in comparison to each other (did i seriously just use the phrase "power levels" oh my god).

Basically, if a bunch of Looney Toons had to form a basketball team to protect themselves from being enslaved on an alien theme park, and they had one opening on their team, they would be wise if they chose a troll. Perhaps troll Michael Jordan. Come on and slam, troll Michael Jordan. Welcome to the jam.

A lot of his personality traits described above can also double as weaknesses/strengths.

Strength-wise, we see his leadership skills and obsession; however, both can work against them (and they do, especially the second). While he got the trolls through the game alive and to work as a team, he did so by being crabby and unpleasant. His obsession with getting everyone working together means that he only woke up on Prospit just as it was being destroyed. Another strength/weakness is his anger. While it gives him the fuel to begin trolling the humans in the first place, it also alienates the trolls from them—so that it’s difficult to get the humans the information they need when they need it. In fact, when speaking to Aradiabot, she calls him out on it, explaining how that rage fits into the all-encompassing metanarrative of their inevitable failure. It means that, while he can be a logical guy some of the time, in anger, he’ll make rash choices which can potentially fuck things up for everyone else.

Inventory: Homes Smell Ya Later, a sickle colored with the style and sass of the troll '90s. If only you could be a street smart threshecutioner by the name of Will Smith. If only.

Appearance: Karkat is a beautiful animal.

Like all trolls, his skin is gray, his hair is black, his teeth are pointy (unique for him: they're pretty unremarkable), his eyes are sunken and yellow, and he has horns. Coinciding with the little nubs on his symbol (♋), his candy corn horns are short and rounded. They're like those shitty rocks you run into while rock-climbing that you really can't get a grip on to move up, but you're in a position where you can't move back down either. They only exist to enrage.

Age: 6 sweeps old; equivalence is around 13 human years.

AU Clarification: Sacrosanct, the space station that Singularity takes place on, was surprisingly similar to being in the Veil: trapped in space with a large sum of murderous jerks and fuckbutted embarrassments of reality. Unfortunately, while the Veil consisted of a long time of waiting before sudden bouts of horror, Sacrosanct was a bit of a clusterfuck where trauma was involved. On the second day of Karkat's space station adventure, the vast majority of his friends were abducted by a hideous she-beast of an AI, who then decided it would be really cool to introduce everyone to her robotic mutilation games. Needless to say, this was a wonderful start to Karkat's experience with robots.

The same AI did the exact same thing a few months later, but at least Karkat was able to jump in on the "beat up the baddie" bandwagon. Karkat also uncovered his inner Broadway star, despite making a death pact with Jack to never mention this event ever again. The main importance of SHODANCE v. 2 was the aftermath-- after months and months of dancing around the issue, Karkat and Kanaya finally confessed their pale feelings for each other and became moirails. Kanaya's influence was probably one of the most stabilizing factors for Karkat while in Sacrosanct. She kept him from beating himself up over failing all his friends multiple times, while providing him the opportunity to be a calming factor on someone else. His relationship with her was and will always be ridiculously important to him, and even when various Gamzees showed up claiming that Karkat was their moirail, he stuck with Kanaya (while feeling ridiculously guilty forever). Because of her, his usual massive amounts of selfloathing leveled out and allowed for Karkat to pour all his focus and energy into obsessively keeping tabs on all his friends, so that no robots could ever pull that shit again.

This also means he developed a severe case of robot racism. Like in the original canon material, the hate Karkat felt for the humans in the beginning was mainly based on two facts: 1) they made easy scapegoats for all of his problems, 2) they were somewhere to direct his anger that wasn't himself. We see in the canon material how he drops that hate and directs it inward as soon as he realizes that the humans are useful. Karkat in Sacrosanct never hit that point, so his raging roboracism remains unchecked.

He's also become significantly more paranoid due to robomurder shenanigans. Basically, anything strange happens? It's robots. Someone's missing? Robots got 'em. Someone's sick? It's earthhuman pregnancy. This paranoia manifested itself through some pretty fucking obsessive stalking of the various people Karkat's came in contact with. He developed stalk schedules to cover everyone's hives, and by God, he kept to that fucking schedule. Fortunately, when various AIs would get the smart idea to fuck with the general populace, Karkat knew what was up. Unfortunately, because Karkat basically cried wolf all day, every day, no one believed him ever. Not even when he went completely insane and developed an obsessive fascination with cubes, time, and bullshit.

A bunch of other shit happened, but the main changes in his personality from canon are linked to what I've described. Outside of that, he hasn't changed much.

SAMPLES
Log Sample:

The list of things Karkat Vantas hates with a fiery passion grows hourly. It's a constant running, meticulously organized tally that, soon enough, devolves into an incoherent mumble of "Fuck, I really hate the shit outta that guy/robot/situation/brick wall." One might assume that Karkat's hate is diluted due to its many subjects, but, unfortunately, that assumption would be fucking false. As we all know, to "assume" means to make an "ass" out of "u" and "me," but mostly "u." In the end, regardless of all the people/robots/situations/brick walls Karkat hates, there's nothing he hates more than himself.

Which is why he is currently arguing with himself.

Aloud.

"Sure, Karkat. Let's use the teleporters, that's a wonderful idea. I mean, they have such a spectacular track record, right?" Everything's said with his utmost mocking tone (condescending hand motions included), "You are a fucking moron, and I swear to god, if Alternia were around, they would institute stupidity in the Trollympics just for you. At least until they realized you won the gold all year, every year. Then they'd have to institute a bunch of bullshit embargoes against your retarded ass, and--" If this were a scene from Lord of the Rings, the camera angle would change and there'd be some incomprehensible garbage about preciouses and masters and shit. Instead, this is a scene from Karkat's reality, which means he's just going to punch himself in the face a few times while attacking the air through (what some cultures call) a sigh (other cultures consider this level of hostile breathing akin to nuclear warfare).

It's been about twenty minutes since Karkat first awoke on Tranquility, discovered his new tattoo, worthless Sacrosanct wearable, and a mouth full of fuck. It's been ten since he argued with his communication device, threatened to threshmurder everything it has ever held dear, and decided that he would never, under no circumstances whatsoever, take the blue lift to the passenger quarters. The time between then and now has been filled with furious pacing, lots of self hatred, and a fair smattering of rage. What was happening? Where was everyone? Why wasn't his wearable working? Why did he leave his hive this morning? Why does he ever leave his hive? Why was there only three cupcakes in his fucking locker how is he supposed to survive down here with only three cupcakes COME THE FUCK ON.

In three minutes, he'll be on the blue lift, ready to verbally demolish anyone and everyone he comes in contact with.

Comms Sample:

GIVE YOURSELVES A PAT ON THE BACK.
JUST QUIT WHATEVER MUNDANE AND UNDOUBTEDLY RETARDED ACT YOU'RE FUCKFIRST IN THE MIDDLE OF COMMITTING, REACH AROUND, AND JUST PAT PAT PAT.
YOU (AND BY "YOU" I AM REFERRING TO WHOEVER CAN READ THIS WHO MAY OR MAY NOT BE INVOLVED IN THE BULLSHIT OCCURRING THIS VERY MOMENT) DESERVE IT.
YOU'VE CLIMBED THIS WHOLE MOUNTAIN OF CREATIVITY AND BRAINSPONGE FAMINES, YOU HAVE EMBRACED THE DRAMATIC SCENERY, AND WHISPERED A STOUT BUT AFFIRMING "YES" INTO THE INFINITE DEPTHS OF METAPHORICAL VICTORY.
YOU ARE THE CHAMPION, MY FRIENDS.
YOU HAVE GONE WHERE NO MAN, WOMAN, TROLL, OR BABBY HAS EVER DARED TO GO BEFORE.

YOU HAVE TAKEN ME
KARKAT MOTHERFUCKING VANTAS
FROM A SPACE STATION
AND IN A FIT OF UNTOLD BRILLIANCE THAT WILL BE SUNG ABOUT FOR EONS TO COME
YOU HAVE MOVED ME TO A GODDAMN SPACE *SHIP*.

I AM STRAIGHT UP SHITHIVE ASTOUNDED.
WE ARE STILL IN SPACE.
IS IT THE SAME SPACE???
IS THERE SUCH A THING AS "SAME SPACE"???
WILL I EVER NOT BE STUCK ON A HUNK OF METAL IN SPACE????
WE JUST DON'T FUCKING KNOW, THE PROFESSIHILATORS ARE OUT ON THIS ONE.






GREAT JOB, YOU USELESS PIECES OF DECOMPOSING SHIT.
REPORT IN SO I CAN TAILOR MY PROJECTILE VOMITING TO YOUR SPECIAL AND UNIQUE NEEDS.